2010 and still counting......

It was the start of the year 2010 31 days ago. Tomorrow will be the first day of the second month of 2010. At the same, it will be 4 mths and 11 days to my ORD day. All the pains and fun I have went through are worth-while. I am enjoying myself after my team's major operational-readiness examination.

In about 6 - 7 mths, I will be studying in NTU [BSc (Hons) in Biological Science]. Though I have the honour to start from 2nd year, I fear that it will turn out stressful for me. The 2 years of National Service have left me too relaxed. I have been trying to get back my momentum of study enthusiasm.

When Chinese zodiac 'Tiger' comes to the earth on 14 Feb, as according to the horoscope prediction for my zodiac, my luck, wealth and love might be greatly affected. It warns me to be alert at all times in all of what I will be doing. Though I might not be as superstitious as most, my body and mind tell me of this feeling.

This year, I must prepare myself to jump over a lot of hurdles. I hope that all will go smoothly. I think that 2009 was quite a bad year for me. Somemore that 2010 might be a bad year for me too. I nearly got depression and there was point of time that I nearly wanted to commit suicide. I cannot really take all the sh!ts, feeling that my life is sucky. Wish myself good luck!

Every parent wants their children born to be clever and be successful in future. However, I wasn't. Thinking back to my elementary education, I always never do well in my exams except for Science. My mother was always on very 'high' mood and held cane-stick and punish me for all these things. She sorted for my elder cousin to teach me. It didn't last longer and gave up on me. She said something so hurtful to my mother that I am CMI boy. True, I was quite stupid back then. It fueled me to become recognizable in everything I do. I just want to prove that I am not stupid. That was when my psychological state went to its extreme worst-case scenario. My anger management went hay-wired. Everytime I failed to accomplish something like scoring well in Maths, I went home sobbing non-stop. I never let my parents know my condition. I kept them knowing my weakest moment of my life. Something happened on me, I never always wanted to let others know and kept it deep into my heart and mind. It is true till very now. Why just I wasn't given a chance to prove that I am worthy in something I always wanted to do or to be? Am I really that CMI? I admit that I really cannot do but I just want to prove and work hard to get my best. The world has given up on me. The fate has become rebellious and I submitted my whole life to it. Just like the training in my career, I wanted something and always fight for it no matter what, but they gave up on me. Why it ended so fast? It makes me feel so useless in my team. Every training I do, I always make my team failed in the mission. That is why I am stupid to take the every chance to practice well! I just hate to see the CMI expression shown to me!! Maybe, I was. Feel like committing suicide now. I am useless in this world. My life is just contained stupidity gene only.

64 years on since Hiroshima's nuclear bomb attack...

Today (080609) marks the 64th anniversary of N-Bomb attack in Hiroshima. It was back then an event that shocks the whole war and subsequently brought WWII to an end. A war isn't really the only way to fight for peace. It will just bring harm to both the attackers and the innocents. Given this 21st Century, many problems of similar types still exist. The nuclear proliferation by Iran and NK, plus some existing international conflicts, may fuel another WWIII. The global leaders must be responsible and take immediate actions to prevent it from getting worse. Humans, no matter which colors or races or religions we may be, are all the same. We share the same gene and the world, Earth. I pray for peace.

Romaji Version

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

Tookude iki wo shiteru toumei ni nattamitai
Kurayami ni omoe takedo mekaku shisarete tadake
Inori wo sasagete atarashii hi wo matsu
Azayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

Hito no kokoro wa utsuri yuku nukedashita kunaru
Tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de fune wo tsureteku

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I... see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong

Tabi wa mada tsudzuiteku odayakana hi mo
Tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de fune wo terashidasu
Inori wo sasagete atarashii hi wo matsu
Azayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Unmei no fune wo kogi
Nami wa tsugi kara tsugi e to
Watashitachi wo osou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne
Dore mo suteki na tabi ne

This song is very touching. An Ending Theme song for Bleach anime series. It really describes how my current life is all about.

I would have bought one of these MVPs now if I have $$... so let me dream about them. T_T

Chevrolet Captiva (2.0L or 2.4L Engine)

Nissan Presage

Mazda 5

Toyota Previa

My idea of getting a MVP is that I can drive my whole family members which includes my future wife and children (i am still single~~~). These 4 MVPs caught my heart. I may look stupid to most of u all cos it is quite costly to own a MVP given its huge fuel consumption. How I wish I can earn enough $$ now and have a license.

Hooted LG Viewty KU990R yesterday…

I hooted a S$0 LG Viewty KU990R together with a new 2-yrs iTwo Youth Plan yesterday. Finally, my dream of getting a smartphone came alive. It comes with 5MP camera. The phone was comparable to the new expensive iPhone from Apple. but there are not as many features as what iPhone can provide with. However, this phone was just another perfect alternative to iPhone if you are just like me, not willing to fork out more $$.

I tested it but was kind of disappointed with the final quality on the computer screen.

What you see above is shot using the phone. Looks kind of nice at this resolution, but when I increased the resolution, the picture gets pixilated at a few points on the photo.

The music player in the phone was a match to what I have with my Walkman phone W850i. The sound quality was just perfect for me.

The whole phone itself was solely based on touch-screen technique. No actual keypad on the phone, so you have to use your fingers to hit the screen-shown keypad. Or BEST, handwriting. Just loved it. Especially when I need to SMS using Chinese characters.

This phone is going to last long for me until something finds me that proves to have better offerings. Haha~~

Very Hurt by What My Teammate Said to Me Today…

I was hurt by what one of my team-mates said about me. Today, when my team was doing some refuelling, we misplaced a document. We did not noticed that we lost track of the document until someone found the badly-damaged document somewhere in the plant yard. I was totally shocked by what I saw. We were asked who did it. I thought it could be us and it was us indeed after I’ve recalled. Initially, my superior wanted to cover the incident for us, but I told him my team had to take responsibility as well. My team-mate was kind of reluctant to take responsibility and said to me, “Don’t act clever lah! He’s covering for us le!” It was not what he said about me, but the tone that shocked me. I was hurt. I was just barely admitting my mistakes and don’t want to let the matters gone worst.

From that time onwards till now, I was thinking, “Am I so hateful by so many people around me?” Before the incident today, I was named the “Wayang King”, which means a person who wants to act pro in front of people. I just felt that everything I did seems to be offending people around me. I tried to forget about it everytime, but it seems to have grown deep into my memory and my heart. Everytime I think of it, my moral drops to its lowest and I started to do nonsense and things go wrong. Just like today, after the event, my documentations were written wrongly and requires my officer to countersign the logs.

Something about me. I am the type of person who cannot let go of anything that really hurt me most. Just to admit, I still cannot forget the most embarrassing thing I did during my young age of about 6 years old. The more I think about it, the more I feel sad.

I just want to know, ‘Am I really that hateful?” i should not be born into this world then. I am just an useless person. Someone who only knows how to create chaos.