I was hurt by what one of my team-mates said about me. Today, when my team was doing some refuelling, we misplaced a document. We did not noticed that we lost track of the document until someone found the badly-damaged document somewhere in the plant yard. I was totally shocked by what I saw. We were asked who did it. I thought it could be us and it was us indeed after I’ve recalled. Initially, my superior wanted to cover the incident for us, but I told him my team had to take responsibility as well. My team-mate was kind of reluctant to take responsibility and said to me, “Don’t act clever lah! He’s covering for us le!” It was not what he said about me, but the tone that shocked me. I was hurt. I was just barely admitting my mistakes and don’t want to let the matters gone worst.
From that time onwards till now, I was thinking, “Am I so hateful by so many people around me?” Before the incident today, I was named the “Wayang King”, which means a person who wants to act pro in front of people. I just felt that everything I did seems to be offending people around me. I tried to forget about it everytime, but it seems to have grown deep into my memory and my heart. Everytime I think of it, my moral drops to its lowest and I started to do nonsense and things go wrong. Just like today, after the event, my documentations were written wrongly and requires my officer to countersign the logs.
Something about me. I am the type of person who cannot let go of anything that really hurt me most. Just to admit, I still cannot forget the most embarrassing thing I did during my young age of about 6 years old. The more I think about it, the more I feel sad.
I just want to know, ‘Am I really that hateful?” i should not be born into this world then. I am just an useless person. Someone who only knows how to create chaos.
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